mY LiFe Is A PUZZLE.

Am I Ready?


That’s the question I’ve been asking myself for quite some time now. Am I ready to share my life with someone? Am I ready to trust again? Am I ready to begin a new life? Am I ready to have another baby? Am I ready for new responsibilities? Am I ready for happiness?

It’s true what they said about getting married; either you marry young or you marry old. Not that I’m tying the knot real soon, but commitment scares the hell out of me. Not because I think I will get hurt again, but that I will have to give up and sacrifice a huge chunk of my freedom. I’m so used to being independent and fending for myself and Thea; that I’m not quite sure how I will react to someone else taking care of us. Will I see view it as an intrusion in our lives or as a loving gesture? For the months, I’ve had the run of my life. Independence is intoxicating and addicting. There’s really nothing wrong with it, it’s just that I’m scared of giving up a lot of things that I enjoy doing just so I can make someone else happy and content. Selfishness? I think I deserve to put myself on top of my priority list since my happiness depends primarily on me.

Or are these petty excuses that I’m making up just so I don’t have to be part of a relationship? Are these just manifestations of my fear of being hurt again?