What makes a Daddy?

What makes a Daddy?

As early as now, I want to be ready to answer my little girl's questions regarding our family set-up. It's really a big deal for me because I know it will have a big impact on her personality, her character, and her future. For sure, knowing that your father is a jerk will greatly affect your emotions, and your personality. That' why as much as possible, I'd like to tell Thea in the most gentle way that her father did not recognize her and left because he thought he will have a better life without us. Huh.

So to make things simpler, I thought of explaining the different kinds of families we have in our society.

(Note: I will not include same-sex marriages. )

There are four (4) kinds of parents:
1. Daddys and Mommys who are also the biological father and biological mother of the child.
2. Daddys and Mommys who are not the biological parents of the child.
3. A Daddy or a Mommy whor raises his/her biological child alone.
4. When the Daddy or Mommy in no. 3 re-marries, the new Mommy or Daddy is called a step mother or step-father.

Thea and I belong to category no. 3. Though she has a biological father (all of us do, hello), that biological father isn't Thea's Daddy. You see, for me, "Daddy" is a special name for men who truly love their children, whether they are the biological father, a step-father, or an adoptive parent.

"Daddy" is the one who loves the child's mother.
"Daddy" is the one who provides for the family (how much he earns is not an issue, the fact that he strives hard to provide for his family is enough).
"Daddy" is the one who strives to protect his family from physical and emotional distress.
"Daddy" is that one special person who is willing to give up everything, anything, for his family.

Thea, you have me, your Mommy, to love you forever. I can't promise that you'll have a Daddy someday. Let's just be content to have Papou and Mamou, your Nana, Mama Maluh, Papa Armando, Mama Cors, Kuya Ceejay and Gabee, your Tito Pogi -- Cy and JR, Tito Nar, all your ninongs and ninangs, cousins, aunts ... see, a lot of people love you. And, as your Mamou told you before, you have Papa Jesus. He is a Father to the "fatherless". You are definitely not incomplete.

Thea's first trick or treat

trick or treat

I couldn't help but think of the past 10 months - my life alone of pregnancy, the finances, looking for a hospital, the false hopes Jint gave, my friends' and officemates' support, my family, the experience in the hospital with other patients... and most of all, holding my little girl. Mommy even told me "Tignan mo, ang cute ng anak mo! Di ko ma-imagine na magiging cute din pala ang anak nyo." Hehehe, well, both parents are good looking naman eh, nagkatalo lang sa pagpili ng direksyon sa buhay... oh well...

Anyway, I can say that the past 10 months was really a blast - both on the negative and positive aspects. And I have become a better person in the process. Then I have proven who are the people that really matter to me.

Thank you friends, for making it bearable.

Thank you, my little Thea, for giving my life a clearer direction.

I love you, Bebe. If I have any love left for your father, I'd rather give it to you, than anyone else. You are my life. :-)

thea's first photo shoot

I've learned that it's really true when they say that merely seeing your child smile will take away all your problems, even for a while...Yes, it's really true!

22nd of the month

22nd of the month

Yesterday marked my 30th year on Earth.

Yesterday I also claimed the official start of my new life as a single mother.

I remember saying in a past entry that I would try not to be bitter towards Jin, but my birthday brought back memories of us together, and I still couldn't get over the thought of "what made him do what he did". I can't take the thought that I'm still not over him. Pride. I can't still be in love with him. Argh.

I need real closure. Maybe I'm rushing. It's only been months. It still hurts when I remember his words... "Be, hindi pa ko ready magpakasal... that baby isn't mine... I won't give any form of support... you don't have what it takes to be my wife..."

Snap back to reality.

I'll just have to be the best parent for my baby. The "wife" part of me will have to hybernate (or maybe just bury her and forget about her). The "mommy" will have to take over.

Anyway, this is so far my worst birthday. No party, no gifts, no cakes. I went to MOA with mom and dad, ate cora, cielo, ceejay and jr - i remember celebrating my bithday last year in the same place with Jin's family.


Oh well. Since this is my last birthday...

...for this year (hehehe), I'll try to focus on the blessings...

I hope my 30th year will be better than my 29th and 28th.

crazy little thing calle LOVE

crazy little thing called LOVE.

I learned recently that it doesn't matter what the reasons are, or who brought it up or who decided it, the fact of the matter is, losing someone special in your life, whether it's your friend, boyfriend or husband sucks.

I wish I could go back to being a teenager, or even my early twenties when all that mattered to me was me. I was allowed to be selfish and absorbed with only Beng because I was young and single. Now that I have Thea , I willingly accept that I need to put her ahead of everything else. It's not even a choice. But how lovely would it be to be able to be young and in-love, with no need to be logical or practical. You could stay with someone just because you are crazy about each other. As we get older, that changes. We start thinking about values and if we are on the same path. We start assesing our relationships to see whether we have the same goals and if we are compatible in the long run.

Suddenly, you come to terms with the fact that love in itself is a great thing, but it might not be enough to sustain a relationship, especially one whos members seem to be at different points in their lives. It's sad to let someone go when you are still in love with each other, even sadder than if you have an obvious reason like infidelity or abuse. I keep thinking whether or not I made the right decision and if there really is no reason to go on. I keep second guessing myself and wondering if we're both just being proud and refuse to compromise.

But as I learned from the past, life goes on and all will be well in the end-regardless of what the outcome. Perhaps time and space is all we need, and if that fails, then maybe it was the right thing to do.

"What's worse, new wounds which are so horribly painful or old wounds that should've healed years ago and never did? Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we've been and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future.
That's what we like to think. But that's not the way it is, is it? There are just some things we just have to learn over and over and over again."

"People have scars. In all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret roadmaps of their personal histories. Diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don't. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers."

~ Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy, 15 March '07

song of my heart at the moment

..:: Warrior is a Child ::..

Lately I've been winning battles left and right

But even winners can get wounded in the fight

People say that I'm amazing

Strong beyond my years

But they don't see inside of me

I'm hiding all the tears

(Chorus)

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down

They don't know who picks me up when no one is around

I drop my sword and cry for just a while'

Cause deep inside this armour

The warrior is a child



Unafraid because his armour is the best

But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest

People say that I'm amazing

Never face retreat

But they don't see the enemies

That lay me at His feet


Chorus x2


I drop my sword and look up for His smile

Because deep inside this armour

Deep inside this armour

Deep inside this armour

The Warrior is a Child