22nd of the month
Yesterday marked my 30th year on Earth.
Yesterday I also claimed the official start of my new life as a single mother.
I remember saying in a past entry that I would try not to be bitter towards Jin, but my birthday brought back memories of us together, and I still couldn't get over the thought of "what made him do what he did". I can't take the thought that I'm still not over him. Pride. I can't still be in love with him. Argh.
I need real closure. Maybe I'm rushing. It's only been months. It still hurts when I remember his words... "Be, hindi pa ko ready magpakasal... that baby isn't mine... I won't give any form of support... you don't have what it takes to be my wife..."
Snap back to reality.
I'll just have to be the best parent for my baby. The "wife" part of me will have to hybernate (or maybe just bury her and forget about her). The "mommy" will have to take over.
Anyway, this is so far my worst birthday. No party, no gifts, no cakes. I went to MOA with mom and dad, ate cora, cielo, ceejay and jr - i remember celebrating my bithday last year in the same place with Jin's family.
Oh well. Since this is my last birthday...
...for this year (hehehe), I'll try to focus on the blessings...
I hope my 30th year will be better than my 29th and 28th.
